When I was younger I remember my Grandmother hosting these immaculate holiday parties. All my family members would be there, arranging their calendars and flying in from around the world to celebrate often up to a week of togetherness. We’d play games, sing songs, dance, of course, line up to take a ton of photos, chase the cousins we didn’t see too often, and I can go on and on. Needless to say, these are precious memories I am forever grateful for.
As I grew up, circumstances changed, as they often do. My Grandfather passed, and my Grandmother’s health gradually declined. With so many family members living further and further away and other priorities taking the front seat, the festivities I became so accustomed to faded away. It didn’t really hit me until I had kids of my own, how tragic this was.
I felt guilty in some way for them not having this same experience, as if I had deprived them myself. Like we don’t have enough pressure as it is, right parents? I harbored this feeling of lacking, it wasn’t enough. I found myself trying to compensate with gifts during this time of year, hoping it would make the holidays special. Meanwhile completely sending the wrong message of what the holidays are about. It took me a few years, after becoming more of a pro at parenting (seriously the books don’t help nearly as much as I thought they would!)I made peace with what I discovered was an old value I was still holding onto… luckily while the girls were still young enough to know any better.
It’s easy to hold on to old schemas or ideas of what’s considered valuable to you, but they need to be reevaluated every so often to accommodate your life and the circumstances you find yourself in. We are constantly moving, shifting, growing ourselves and our families, and I had to consider the place we were/are at to make the best decision for us at every moment. If our parents and our grandparents punished themselves every time a tradition changed, we probably wouldn’t be here right now. Change comes whether or not you want it to, this year especially, and what I imagine the next year coming will also hold. How you define a joyful holiday or any day can play wonders on the psyche. Try and take a fresh look at what you have right now instead of what you don’t. What you can make of it?
After some contemplation, we decided to create a new tradition and see where that takes us. Something that was cherished and constant in an uncertain time of year and our family. So we started to travel during the holidays. Road trips mainly since anyone with kids knows, traveling with young ones is not a light journey. As they grew we decided to expand our territory. I can’t begin to tell you how this small decision to embrace the now has brought us together. These are their memories they will cherish just as I’ve cherished mine over the years. And hopefully will spark a new tradition of their own when that time for them to decide comes.
This learning experience has taught me to not only accept change, but seek it, see what I can make with the curveballs being thrown my way. Maybe make a whole game of it (sure to bring knee pads in case anyone falls, of course). Because although we’ve been hit quite a bit this year, at its core, it’s simply change. You can let it knock you over or ride it like a wave. Our plans this year might not hold the same travel itinerary, but maybe that’s a good thing. Out of great change great memories are born, fueled by need, instead of simple desire. Let’s see what else we can come up with. What can you do today to lean into your change instead of fighting it?
My challenge to you during this holiday season is not to reminiscence about what could be if this or if that, but to embrace the moment you are in now and make the best of it. As my Grandpa would say, “Embrace the suck.” What can you do to make this year special, in a way that no other year can be?